A LUB ISTORY

My dear OBEROI MALL wali GADDEE

Ek din jab mein mall ke parking lot se nikal raha tha..tab mere nazar tumpe padi…tum shayad area mein nayee thi…iseliye sare gaddon se dur rehete thi…

Par kuch tho baat thi tumhare andar..saare gaadeyan tumhe ched kar gujar rahi the…aur tum darii hue sahame se thi…..soocha ke main bhi tumhe chedte hue niklu…phir tumhare khubsurati ke gaherai dekh kar dang rahegaya….itna pyaar bhara gaddha maine kabhi nahi dekha tha…

Tumhe pata hai jis din DABAANG 2 release hui thi aur tum dhoop mein tadap rahi thi..us din tumhe chav dene wala main he tha..jaanbhooj kar maine signal red hone ki 5 sec pehele he gaadi rokli..aur uss din maine pehele baar tumhe itne kareeb se dekha…kale pathar tum par jach rahe the…jaise he kuch bolne laga signal khul gaya..aur baaki gaadiyon ke horn ke kaaran tumhe kuch sunaye nahi diya…

Aur pata hai jis din pehele barish hui thi uss din bhi main wahi par tha…halki halki barish ke boondein ..hawa ke saath tumhe bhigo rahi the…tumhe itna khush pahele kabhi nahi dekha …aisa mann hua tumpe thoda kaala grease gira dun taki tumhe kise ke nazar naa lage… usse din mujhe tumhare khubsurati ke gaheraiyon ka asli andaza hua…vo kaale pathar itne khubsurat kabhi nahi lage…

Jiss tarah saare dippers tumpe light maar rahe the…main tho jalan ke kaaran dhuan dhuan hogaya…

Phir ek din maine soocha ki aaj iss paar ya uss par…ajj tho apne pyaar ka izzhar karke he rahunga….par saala uss din jor se barish aagaye…sab jagah paani he paani bhara tha..aur tum mujhe nahi dikhe!!!

Maine puri raath wahi signal ke pass wale street light ke neeche tumhara intezaar kiya…phir jab subha pani kam hua..tab tum mujhe dikhi…apne geele pathron ko suraj ke roshni se sukhate hue..vo dekhe mere jo battery charge hui hai kya batayon!!!

Thode der baad kuch aadmi aaye…saaman leke aur tumhe usse bharne lage..maine bhaut horn bajaya par kisne naa suni….aur iske pahele ke main kuch kar pata tum gayab ho chuki the….aur tumhare saheliyan bhi nahi thi wahan pe…pura rasta ekdum naye jaisa..

Main pure ek hafte tak wahan pe chakkar lagata raha par tum na dikhi..aur dheere dheere barish ka mahina bhi khatam ho raha tha…aur isse kaaran..tumhe dekhne ki wajah bhi….

Par mujhe pura yaakeen hai ki tum agle saal barish ke mahene main phir aayogi !!!!

                                                                     YOURS LOVINGLY

                                                                                           MH.01.A.143

P.S  - Ek din jaanbooj kar tumpar oil spill kar diya tha…uss baat ka bura laga ho tho sorry!!!

THOTE UDD GAYEE

I know this is a bit late...but yaar budget ko samaj ne mein thoda time laga !! so here i present overall view of the budget!!!
(tune is paani dha from VICKY DONOR)

THOTE UDD GAYEE

Budget ka rang vekh ke

Budget ka rang vekh ke

Budget ka rang vekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

Samaj mein na aaya kuch bhi 

samaj mein na aaaya

Samaj mein na aaya kuch bhi 

samaj mein na aaaya

Bhukamp kyun na aaya yahan

Tsunami kyun na aaya

Bhukamp kyun na aaya yahan

Samaj mein na aaya

Petrol ka bhav dekh ke

Petrol ka bhav dekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

Mobile,gaadi mehnge hui kaaran sirf hai tere

Mobile,gaadi mehnge hui kaaran sirf hai tere

SET TOP box bhi mhenga hua F TV abh kaise dekhe

SET TOP box bhi mhenga hua F TV abh kaise dekhe

TAXES ka noor dekh ke

TAXES ka noor dekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

Ghar mhenge kiye

Interest rate bhada

Bus ka kiraya bhi bhadaya

Sab kuch mhenga

Pagar tho nahi bhada

Bhuuka nanga soya mein tho rozz

Bank ka balance dekh ke

Bank ka balance dekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

Budget ka rang vekh ke

Budget ka rang vekh ke

Budget ka rang vekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

………..

(P.S. the guy in the picture in YO YO PC!!)

YEH CONDOM HAI

YEH CONDOM HAI

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai swaad bhi

Yeh condom hai

Yeh tho soocho condom bhi ek multi-purpose cheez hai

Yeh tho soocho condom bhi ek multi-purpose cheez hai

Isse pehenlo kyunki,bharat ke need hai

Fuuga phodo,topi peheno

Multi- purpose cheez hai

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Yeh condom hai

Chocolate hai re strawberry bhi

Dotted ke sang flavor hai

Chocolate hai re strawberry bhi

Dotted ke sang flavor hai

Ultimate pleasure mile iske istamal se

Majje lele yeh nap hate yeh tho gurantee hai..

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai swaad bhi

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai swaad bhi

Yeh condom hai

A LETTER from a mosquito

A LETTER from a mosquito

Dear human Being,

I am sorry to address you in this manner, but I don’t know your name, I just sucked your blood few days back(and you are still alive)that’s how I got your address..

Human Being is a neutral word as I m not calling you…kasab or something else(as you have called me LUI in a commercial) which is much more racist and ugly..

You human being are not only racist but also casteist..you tried to divide our mosquito world like yours..(ind vs pak just in case you don’t know)…you differentiated us by saying ”tu dengue ka machhar hai….tu malaria ka hai…tu bhukar paida karta hai…”….well we have been together since ages..and you should know that we all are equally talented…but there are few who follow some father (of nation) and don’t hurt anyone…but they also got pissed off with your nature and they are the one who started the war…

Well to be honest it is because of you guys we have developed so much…infact we are planning to capture some foreign mosquito kingdoms….but for that we need your more support…

We request you to please continue to take dump at different open places…(and if possible please avoid railway tracks we want to be loyal with same area people…and we don’t like to travel in train) so that we can party on regular basis without paying much infact nothing :P…

And we are sorry to tell you that it is not your government we are the one who are shutting the public toilet…so that you can easily pee in open places…

And waste food is just like awesome…we even some time masturbate just by imagining big pile of waste..well to get waste  we literally do nothing..we just wait…and result is a BIG PILE OF WASTE(..yummmmm…) ..it also helps us in developing our secret weapon…(we just tested it on an old man and he died…buzzzz..well that’s our evil laugh)..

Thanks to you human being we have almost become omni -  present(93.25%)….

Just in case if this is not enough…we are the one who kissed aishwarya rai bachhan in ROBOT move and she is still alive…we also made rajnikant look cooler in the same movie…(we all personally love him because he is the one who taught us how to suck blood)…

So please start respecting us after all some of us have same blood…

                                                                                                    Keep wasting

                                                                            LUI

P.S – sorry for the death in some fraternity (old man) because of dengue..actually it was not dengue it was our new chemical which is on test it is showing a positive result your man died right!!!. (I guess it will get so khatmeel price..thats our nobel price)…but there is a slight problem…the mosquito why bit that old man has started speaking a different language altogether..if possible please help..

SELFISH (matlabi)

SELFISH (matlabi)

Selfishnes can be or is your best friend...it helps you in day to day work of life in fact all of them if you practice it properly...

infact from child hood we are taught how to be selfish and even how to get exploited....

REMEMBER the choclate example:-

"Beta yeh kaam karlena tho tumhe choclate milege...."

"Beta yeh kaam karlena aur bake ke paise ke choclate kharid lena..."

Infact when someone interfers this "BETA" process the answer given is "sikhe ke ga kaise"

i guess this hint is enough for you to know towards whom i am pointing!!!!

to be selfish you need to follow three simple rules:-

. BENEFIT YOURSELF

. BENEFIT YOURSELF

. BENEFIT YOURSELF

and i guess the person will be successful if he doesn't get caught or if someone doesn't read this blog..:P

even shellfish are not so selfish

(P.S.- pls ingnore last line...!!!)

a small poem to justify in a bitter way:-

MATLABI(selfish)

insaan matlabi hua tho kya!!

khud ke swarth ke liye kaam karvaya tho kya!!!

mehnat cum hui hai

izzat dugni mili hai...

dusre ke khando pe pair rakh ke 

apne kameez safed hue hai

jaise ko tiasa karne jamana na raha

apne swarth ke liye haath  milana hai lakshay yahan...

log tho apne swarth ke liye kapde bhi utar walen

aur jarurat padi tho kapde bhi utar len...

duniya matlabi hai

insaan matlabi hua tho kya!!!

khud ke swarth ke liye dusre ko bhooka rakha tho kya!!!

har cheez mein apna fayda dhuund na hai kaida yahan

fayda na ho tho kaam bigad jaata yahan

pair chhune se bhagwan ke darshan tak

boss ko gud morning bolne se

biwi ko love you bolne tak

sab ke peeche kuch swarth hai

swarthi bano swarthi

yeh geeta mein nahi likha

yeh meine kaha hai!!!!

#DHOBLE??

  

(the tune is title track of DON 2)

 #DHOBLE??

Duniya mein charsi ne dill apne phir thame

aaya hai leker yeh

phir kitne tamache

phir isne dhunda hai 

ke party hai kahan pe

darwale toode hai na chode deewarein

iss se baach paya hai kaun....

isko pechanlo yeh hai kaun!!!!

tweet mujh pe jo bhi lage

trend hua hun mein tho kya!!!

mujhko hai party rokna

paety walon ke shaan kiya!!!!

jo mujhko trend karvate

unko hai kya ye pata

"Iss se party ko chupana mushkil he nahi na mumkin hai"!!!!!

party ko rokne aaya kaun

mujhko pechan lo mein hun kaun!!!!

HAPPY FATHERS DAY oops FATHER’s DAY

Disclamair:- some incidents are based on personal life some are added just for fun…it is a different kind of humor..it is difficult to understand…I also didn’t got in the first time…so don’t be ashmed…

HAPPY FATHERS DAY oops FATHER’s DAY

I know it’s a bit late…but after all he is my dad so I have that liberty ..i can wish him anytime I want…

Well I don’t expect a thank you from him …for wishing him..and why should I ….infact I would like to thank him for everything he has done for me….!!! Like..

I would like to thank him for not wasting me in the bathroom…

I would like to thank him for beating me up each and every time…whenever I was wrong….

I would like to thank him for not signing my complaint page of my school calendar whenever I got one…or my report card …whenever I got less marks…

I would like to thank him for threatening me to send me to boarding school…for not studying well..

I would like to thank him to allow me to watch adult movies  late nite because he use to sleep very deeply…(snoring)

I would like to thank him for giving me so much hair….so that I can walk bravely in winter season….

Thankyou dad for teaching me how to watch NEWS (forcefully)instead of cartoons..

Thank you dad for forcing doctor to give me an injection instead of tablets…so that I don’t bunk the school on the next day….

Thank you dad for taking me to temples …instead of gardens…

Thank you dad for allowing me to sleep on your stomach….

Thank you dad for not teaching me but guiding me ..

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Well I cant write anymore…..

………. I might just cry!!!!!!...

P.S ...the person is not my dad and offcourse neither me...my dad dont wear shorts..!!!