PEACE IT OUT (to whomsoever it may concern)

PEACE IT OUT INNER PEACE....inner.. Inner...inner peace : MASTER SHIFU (KUNGFU PANDA) Today everyone in the world is walking towards PEACE though individually and sub consciously!! Today we are working to earn money..but knowingly or unknowingly we all are working towards peace!! AND YES WORK GIVES US PEACE!!(2) The line we mutter every day...or on repetition when we are drunk- "Bhaut sare paise kamane hai yaar" "Ek din mein bhaut bada insane banunga" This positivity leads us to work...and following this gives us peace!! Even though we crib about our work...we end up doing or at least discussing almost 24*7...like while traveling with friends, going for a movie, having a coffee or an ice cream... We some how manage to discuss about work This love and hate relationship with work gives us peace. Not only this...abusing a rickshaw wala once a while also gives you Peace... This also happens when you are talking to your crush or the person you like!! And many other things which you are thinking right now!!!and in rare occasion waking up early! All these small things gives you peace As they say in hindi : "ye sab karne se Apne kaleje ko thandak milte hai" But the important part is..how much importance you give to that piece of PEACE!! for that you need to prioritize!! But again going with flow is important..

ESCAPE PLAN

ESCAPE

I was watching a television series DEXTER where I came across this line

EVERYONE NEEDS AN ESCAPE PLAN..

This one sentence has hidden truthfulness...
(Which is quite relevant in today's life...where we are in desperate search of peace and a "break chaiye yaar"!!!)

Everyone right from chaprasi to prime minister..school going kid to an entrepreneur... Mom,dad ,friends.. rich or a poor.we all need an escape plan from one thing or the other..and the best part is the struggle is never ending
The cycle goes on!!!

Sometimes we want to enter our house which is QUIETER than usual...we just want to surrender our self to silence and feel the magic...

Sometimes we want to shout our lungs out...so that we can hear our selves..

Sometime you want to escape from that one person who makes your heart skip a beat!!

Sometimes you feel like escaping all your inhibitions and feel the different you!!

Sometimes you feel like escaping yourself..and make other realize your importance..

How often you wish you would have escaped that one moment where you have given up on your self..

Sometime you want to escape your fight to survival ..and just be lazy in your bed..

Well the journey to find the escape route is so damn interesting that you get addicted to it!!(and that's when the problem arises)

You need to know you can't escape everything.. You just need to feel it and go with the flow.

.
BUT ALWAYS BE READY WITH AN ESCAPE PLAN!!!(if you know what I mean)

THE DAY WHEN I WAS NOT DRUNK

THE DAY WHEN I WAS NOT DRUNK

I would like to start with a confession that I DON’T DRINK…so I know that title is a bit contradictory ..but the other title I thought of was THE DAY WHEN I WAS SOBER…for me this title was a bit sober..so I went ahead the other one…

So it was A WEDNESDAY kind of special day…..an office colleague’s birthday with whom I spent half of my day (unfortunately a guy) and it was also apna office party..because we won some awards so I had good enough reason to dress up (not really blue denim and white shirt always works)..and also half of the office guys were wearing the same clothes..so it was HAILA RAMESH HAILA SURESH …(just imagine half of office girls wearing same clothes..well it will just happen in your imagination)

So it was my better half’s birthday as people describe in office…so had to do something special..so HE turns out to be F1 fan…so we decided to order a customized cake with his favorite F1 car and his face on it….

Just to let you know he gifted himself a brand new golden phone worth rs 50,000 ONLY on his birthday…gifting yourself on your own birthday..is the best thing to do (it also shows how lonely you are)

So we did our entire day’s work and left for party…and before the birthday boy reached... party was already started..people were dancing and  clicking fotos with super boss(which also shows increment is near)

It was a completely rocking bollywood party..

So  I went to the bar counter and asked for a drink which was not available (don’t ask which) so I settled down on the drink which was available in bulk (again don’t ask which)

After some time I found out every body around me was drunk..performing nagin dance..banging heads and baatoing gyaan…I could literally see liquor coming out of their eyes..sweat…mouth…

Every one was looking so attractive and beautiful….liquor + bollywood music is the best possible high…

I was sitting in a corner of a sofa and staring at everyone….things were suddenly changed..everyone were looking friendly…I was feeling a bit dizzy..and dehydrated….might be because of heavy bollywood dancing…I was feeling like puking…again might be I was dancing after having food….

Suddenly I had six fingers  after a point happy realization happened…I was the only person who was drunk…I was the one who was banging head with everyone… I was the one who was doing the nagin dance..i was the one who was asking for liquor…but had to settle down with apple juice…

P.S - AND AFTER THAT DAY I NEVER WENT TO MY OFFICE!!!

A LUB ISTORY

My dear OBEROI MALL wali GADDEE

Ek din jab mein mall ke parking lot se nikal raha tha..tab mere nazar tumpe padi…tum shayad area mein nayee thi…iseliye sare gaddon se dur rehete thi…

Par kuch tho baat thi tumhare andar..saare gaadeyan tumhe ched kar gujar rahi the…aur tum darii hue sahame se thi…..soocha ke main bhi tumhe chedte hue niklu…phir tumhare khubsurati ke gaherai dekh kar dang rahegaya….itna pyaar bhara gaddha maine kabhi nahi dekha tha…

Tumhe pata hai jis din DABAANG 2 release hui thi aur tum dhoop mein tadap rahi thi..us din tumhe chav dene wala main he tha..jaanbhooj kar maine signal red hone ki 5 sec pehele he gaadi rokli..aur uss din maine pehele baar tumhe itne kareeb se dekha…kale pathar tum par jach rahe the…jaise he kuch bolne laga signal khul gaya..aur baaki gaadiyon ke horn ke kaaran tumhe kuch sunaye nahi diya…

Aur pata hai jis din pehele barish hui thi uss din bhi main wahi par tha…halki halki barish ke boondein ..hawa ke saath tumhe bhigo rahi the…tumhe itna khush pahele kabhi nahi dekha …aisa mann hua tumpe thoda kaala grease gira dun taki tumhe kise ke nazar naa lage… usse din mujhe tumhare khubsurati ke gaheraiyon ka asli andaza hua…vo kaale pathar itne khubsurat kabhi nahi lage…

Jiss tarah saare dippers tumpe light maar rahe the…main tho jalan ke kaaran dhuan dhuan hogaya…

Phir ek din maine soocha ki aaj iss paar ya uss par…ajj tho apne pyaar ka izzhar karke he rahunga….par saala uss din jor se barish aagaye…sab jagah paani he paani bhara tha..aur tum mujhe nahi dikhe!!!

Maine puri raath wahi signal ke pass wale street light ke neeche tumhara intezaar kiya…phir jab subha pani kam hua..tab tum mujhe dikhi…apne geele pathron ko suraj ke roshni se sukhate hue..vo dekhe mere jo battery charge hui hai kya batayon!!!

Thode der baad kuch aadmi aaye…saaman leke aur tumhe usse bharne lage..maine bhaut horn bajaya par kisne naa suni….aur iske pahele ke main kuch kar pata tum gayab ho chuki the….aur tumhare saheliyan bhi nahi thi wahan pe…pura rasta ekdum naye jaisa..

Main pure ek hafte tak wahan pe chakkar lagata raha par tum na dikhi..aur dheere dheere barish ka mahina bhi khatam ho raha tha…aur isse kaaran..tumhe dekhne ki wajah bhi….

Par mujhe pura yaakeen hai ki tum agle saal barish ke mahene main phir aayogi !!!!

                                                                     YOURS LOVINGLY

                                                                                           MH.01.A.143

P.S  - Ek din jaanbooj kar tumpar oil spill kar diya tha…uss baat ka bura laga ho tho sorry!!!

THOTE UDD GAYEE

I know this is a bit late...but yaar budget ko samaj ne mein thoda time laga !! so here i present overall view of the budget!!!
(tune is paani dha from VICKY DONOR)

THOTE UDD GAYEE

Budget ka rang vekh ke

Budget ka rang vekh ke

Budget ka rang vekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

Samaj mein na aaya kuch bhi 

samaj mein na aaaya

Samaj mein na aaya kuch bhi 

samaj mein na aaaya

Bhukamp kyun na aaya yahan

Tsunami kyun na aaya

Bhukamp kyun na aaya yahan

Samaj mein na aaya

Petrol ka bhav dekh ke

Petrol ka bhav dekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

Mobile,gaadi mehnge hui kaaran sirf hai tere

Mobile,gaadi mehnge hui kaaran sirf hai tere

SET TOP box bhi mhenga hua F TV abh kaise dekhe

SET TOP box bhi mhenga hua F TV abh kaise dekhe

TAXES ka noor dekh ke

TAXES ka noor dekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

Ghar mhenge kiye

Interest rate bhada

Bus ka kiraya bhi bhadaya

Sab kuch mhenga

Pagar tho nahi bhada

Bhuuka nanga soya mein tho rozz

Bank ka balance dekh ke

Bank ka balance dekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

THOTE tho mere udd gayee

Budget ka rang vekh ke

Budget ka rang vekh ke

Budget ka rang vekh ke

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

THOTE tho mere udd gaye

………..

(P.S. the guy in the picture in YO YO PC!!)

YEH CONDOM HAI

YEH CONDOM HAI

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai swaad bhi

Yeh condom hai

Yeh tho soocho condom bhi ek multi-purpose cheez hai

Yeh tho soocho condom bhi ek multi-purpose cheez hai

Isse pehenlo kyunki,bharat ke need hai

Fuuga phodo,topi peheno

Multi- purpose cheez hai

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Yeh condom hai

Chocolate hai re strawberry bhi

Dotted ke sang flavor hai

Chocolate hai re strawberry bhi

Dotted ke sang flavor hai

Ultimate pleasure mile iske istamal se

Majje lele yeh nap hate yeh tho gurantee hai..

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Yeh condom hai

Har condom ka

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai rang roop

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai swaad bhi

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Thode rang hai..dheer se khushiyaan

Alag hai,alag hai,alag hai swaad bhi

Yeh condom hai

A LETTER from a mosquito

A LETTER from a mosquito

Dear human Being,

I am sorry to address you in this manner, but I don’t know your name, I just sucked your blood few days back(and you are still alive)that’s how I got your address..

Human Being is a neutral word as I m not calling you…kasab or something else(as you have called me LUI in a commercial) which is much more racist and ugly..

You human being are not only racist but also casteist..you tried to divide our mosquito world like yours..(ind vs pak just in case you don’t know)…you differentiated us by saying ”tu dengue ka machhar hai….tu malaria ka hai…tu bhukar paida karta hai…”….well we have been together since ages..and you should know that we all are equally talented…but there are few who follow some father (of nation) and don’t hurt anyone…but they also got pissed off with your nature and they are the one who started the war…

Well to be honest it is because of you guys we have developed so much…infact we are planning to capture some foreign mosquito kingdoms….but for that we need your more support…

We request you to please continue to take dump at different open places…(and if possible please avoid railway tracks we want to be loyal with same area people…and we don’t like to travel in train) so that we can party on regular basis without paying much infact nothing :P…

And we are sorry to tell you that it is not your government we are the one who are shutting the public toilet…so that you can easily pee in open places…

And waste food is just like awesome…we even some time masturbate just by imagining big pile of waste..well to get waste  we literally do nothing..we just wait…and result is a BIG PILE OF WASTE(..yummmmm…) ..it also helps us in developing our secret weapon…(we just tested it on an old man and he died…buzzzz..well that’s our evil laugh)..

Thanks to you human being we have almost become omni -  present(93.25%)….

Just in case if this is not enough…we are the one who kissed aishwarya rai bachhan in ROBOT move and she is still alive…we also made rajnikant look cooler in the same movie…(we all personally love him because he is the one who taught us how to suck blood)…

So please start respecting us after all some of us have same blood…

                                                                                                    Keep wasting

                                                                            LUI

P.S – sorry for the death in some fraternity (old man) because of dengue..actually it was not dengue it was our new chemical which is on test it is showing a positive result your man died right!!!. (I guess it will get so khatmeel price..thats our nobel price)…but there is a slight problem…the mosquito why bit that old man has started speaking a different language altogether..if possible please help..